Two years ago I was sad, depressed, and my heart felt wounded. I was defeated, and IF was beating me down. We had lost a baby. Rico was the nickname we had given him (or her). His hands were those I would never be able to touch or hold; his cheeks were those I would never get to snuggle up to or gives lots of kisses to; I would never know the color of his eyes or be able to look deep into them, knowing the love between us is one that is special beyond words. It doesn't matter that I was early on in the pregnancy, it doesn't matter that we didn't know the gender, the fact is that we experienced a loss and it hurt....it hurt bad.
Today, October, 15 is Pregnancy/Infant Loss Awareness Day. Today I hug the two incredible blessings I have from God a little tighter than usual, I cry for the angel we don't have here on Earth to love and hold, and I remind the world that is OK to talk about this type of loss.
Every single day in the US, 2,000 women lose a baby to pregnancy/infant loss. That’s 700,000 a year, a quarter of every female in this country. So why does no one talk about it?
It’s time for things to change.....
It’s time to open up the conversation, to get the dialogue started. It’s time for survivors (yes, we are all survivors!) to come together, raise our voices, and reach out to the others who are out there, thinking they are alone.
The first step in breaking the silence is often shattering stereotypes. Below are some myths and facts about pregnancy/infant loss:
Myth: Losing a baby is very uncommon; it won’t happen to me or someone I know.
Truth: 25-50% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage (pregnancy.org).
Stillbirths (the death of a baby after 20 weeks gestation) occur in one in every 160 pregnancies–about 60 stillborn babies every single day (March of Dimes).
Each year, in the US alone, about 20,000 babies die in their first month of life, many after being born prematurely (March of Dimes).
SIDS is the leading cause of death among infants ages 1 month to 1 year.
2.
Myth: Pregnancy/infant loss is something that happens to older moms, overweight moms, or moms with health issues.
Truth: “Baby loss” does not discriminate. Often, it’s young, perfectly healthy women who experience the loss of a baby. Click here to read real-life stories of loss, and you’ll see the faces of ALL kinds of women–young, old, black, white, thin, obese–pregnancy/infant loss can strike anyone.
3.
Myth: Miscarriages and Stillbirths are usually caused by a lack of prenatal care or something else the mother did during her pregnancy.
Truth: Almost 100% of miscarriages could not have been prevented, with the majority being caused by chromosomal abnormalities.
25% of Stillbirths are caused by placental problems; 15% are caused by an infection; 2-4% are caused by umbilical cord problems, and 50% have no known cause of death whatsoever. While there are risk factors to be aware of (smoking, for instance), the overwhelming majority of stillbirths are completely out of the mother’s control.
4.
Myth: A woman who has just lost a baby wants to forget it ever happened and move on with her life.
Truth: While this may be true for some, many are dying to talk about the child they lost, especially if it was a late-term pregnancy loss or infant loss. The chance to talk freely about their baby(ies), without feeling like they are making everyone uncomfortable, is something many, many women who have lost a baby wish for.
References:
I am the face: of miscarriage, of infant loss, of still birth (2012); Retrieved:
http://www.iamtheface.org/ on October 15, 2012.
